The coldest weather of my life

Friday night was my first time playing on a real stage at a real venue. I drove to Eugene with Squirrel riding in the passenger seat. It was the night we were supposed to have the terrible snow and freezing rain in Portland, which never came. However, the drive to Eugene was not fun. I-5 in both directions slowed to 5 mph just south of Salem. People were scared and pulling over to the shoulder. I only noticed the ice when I would try to change lanes and the car would fishtail slightly. I thank the weight of my drums and hardware for keeping my car on the road. My dear instrument, I love you.

We arrived at Luckey's (after a four hour drive) the exact minute we were supposed to go on. The band that was supposed to play after us agreed to trade slots, so it worked out alright. We didn't fit in very well. The bands before and after us were jam bands, and we are definitely not. I felt really weird about it, but people were coming up to me afterwards saying that we sounded great, so that made everything worth it. I was worried all day Friday that it would be a bad idea to try to drive to Eugene because of the weather, but I'm glad we made it.

I was hiding in a corner watching the last band when an older guy came up to me and said he really loved my drumming. He might have been drunk.

Then it took another four hours to drive home and I was doing 25 mph on I-5 and struggling to stay awake. I would open my eyes with my heart beating so hard like it was trying to punch me awake. I imagined me and Squirrel flipped over in a ditch, to scare myself into trying harder. I imagined you waiting for me and I would start to drive faster to get to you, then the tires would slip, then I would slow down again, then I would fall asleep, then it started over again. I got home at 6:30 AM and you were there waiting. That's all I was hoping for. Thank you.

Hawthorne Theatre on January 22. I need to find 8 people to attend.

Changes

On Monday night, I almost hit a deer with my car for the first time. It was standing at the entrance to my driveway. Later that night, I broke someone's heart. You can take this one instance of rejection for the countless times you did it to me.


I applied and was accepted for graduate school at the University of Hawaii, but I decided not to go. I was supposed to reply before Thanksgiving, but I had actually decided a few months ago that going back was the wrong decision. I was in a different state of mind when I applied. I thought I wanted to be respected, but I only did it because you kept getting angry at me for leaving. Now I know that you will be angry with me no matter what I do, so I am going to do what I want.


Today my boss offered to move me back to Hawaii. I told him I'd rather stay here. Let's see if I get fired.


I made a new friend. She is beautiful, nice, and likes what I like. I enjoy spending time with her. She is brave in ways that I wish I could be.