Blue guitar, blue pedal, blue jeans, and now a blue phone.

My parents got me a new cell phone. I did NOT want a new phone, and I made this very clear, but we had to sign up for a new plan and for some reason we all had to get new phones. I don't know the specifics, but I was told there was no choice.

My old phone was one of the trusty-old-indestructable-terminator-non-flip-non-camera-non-video-NOKIA phones. I loved it dearly. My ringtone was "Disco" and there was no possibility of ever using a real song as my ringtone because it simply wasn't possible. No wallpaper. No pictures. Just a phone for talking and only talking. I didn't even have text messaging because my parents had it disabled. Not that I wanted to text message anyone, anyway.

My new phone is dark blue and silver with a matte finish. I'm sure it's nowhere near as durable as my old NOKIA, which had the looks of a tank, the kind you see at war, rolling in and out of ditches, crashing through walls and living to tell the story. The new phone has a sleek shape, which reminds me of a sports car. It boasts, "Look at me, pitiful NOKIA, look at my cool beauty." Its ego is so large it almost makes me sick. It flips open to reveal a ridiculously-power-wastingly-bright color display capable of changing wallpapers at the push of a button. It has a camera that can also record 30-second video clips. It has Bluetooth and infrared whatever. It has everything. I'm overwhelmed and slightly frightened by its complexity. I admitted this to my parents and they laughed the laugh of people who have just received a major shock and don't know of any other way to react to it. My world is unraveling through this technology that is supposed to make our lives so much better. We're supposed to take pictures of each other, smile, and know that everything will be okay because our phones are fancy. We're supposed to download new ringtones whenever another cookie cutter band craps out another incarnation of a song that has been sung countless times.

This isn't art, this is, "Hey loser, I am so much cooler than you are."

I've never had any interest in phone wars. Sometimes, I think the kids in class left their phones un-silenced so that they could show off their new ringtones. I don't want to be a part of it. I want to talk to you, but whether or not I am impressive while talking to you doesn't matter. Please, people, tell me you don't think it matters. If you do, I fear for this world.

I don't know if this can be considered as fighting back, or as disgracing my favorite band, but I've S-K-ized my new phone. I used the Bluetooth connectivity to send S-K pictures to the phone. I've got them as my wallpaper on the inside and the outside. I also sent Modern Girl and am currently using it as my ringtone (I couldn't stand any of the factory ringtones). What have I done?!?! Am I degrading them? Am I minimizing their art to mindless media in a little yellow folder? Of course I know it's not mindless, but I know this isn't what they wanted at all. I have become part of the problem. I want my NOKIA tankphone back. Give me my simplicity before I ruin something real.

:(